[C]I have a sad story to tell you
It may hurt your [G7]feelings a bit
Last night when I walked into my [C]bathroom
I [F]stepped in a [G7]big pile of

Chorus:
[C]Shaving cream, be nice and clean
[F]Shave every[C]day and you'll [G7]always look [C]keen

I think I'll break off with my girlfriend
Her antics are [G7]queer I'll admit
Each time I say, "Darling, I [C]love you"
She [F]tells me that [G7]I'm full of

Chorus

Our baby fell out of the window
You'd think that her [G7]head would be split
But good luck was with her that [C]morning
She [F]fell in a [G7]barrel of

Chorus

An old lady died in a bathtub
She died from a [G7]terrible fit
In order to fulfill her [C]wishes
She was [F]buried in [G7]six feet of

Chorus

When I was in France with the army
One day I looked [G7]into my kit
I thought I would find me a [C]sandwich
But the [F]darn thing was [G7]loaded with

Chorus

And now, folks, my story is ended
I think it is [G7]time I should quit
If any of you feel [C]offended
Stick your [F]head in a [G7]barrel of

Chorus